Once upon a time, not very long ago . . . in fact happening right now, there lived a girl (okay, a woman of a certain age range that we will not address here) named Erin the Slothful. Erin the Slothful had become unmoored in her life recently and had started to drift with no real direction. Erin had spent most of her life serving in the Castle Wal of Mart so she’d never had the kind of freedom where she’d just sort of . . . existed. She had toiled away day after day at Castle Wal, enjoying her coins and the objects she surrounded herself with. Until one day, a highborn from the department of Mortal Reservoir came and dismissed her from her castle position.
At first, Erin enjoyed drifting. She’d never just wondered around the countryside before with no real direction. So she drifted from coffeehouse to coffeehouse, enjoying the hot black beverage offered at too many farthings a cup and watching people come and go. Until one day, she realized that a.) farthings do not go as far as they used to and b.) she was not happy just wandering any longer. Erin the Slothful needed purpose and direction lest she find herself in front of the dragon everyone called Depressio. That dragon was just the worst. And while she didn’t know exactly where wanted she wanted to go, Erin knew that she didn’t want to go back to Castle Wal. She had an idea of where she might like to go in general but there were so many paths and none seemed to go where she wished. So Erin the Slothful found an enchanted log on the forrest floor and sat to think for a bit. “If only,” Erin thought “my Fairy Godmother would come along and tell me what to do.” She wished and wished, knowing that eventually her Fairy Godmother would come along to save her. Soon, a pink fog appeared to surround Erin and she stood to await the good things that would come.
Except shit doesn’t work like that. Erin’s Fairy OG showed up but instead of saving her she kicked her square in the ass and said “do you think opportunities just fall out of the sky? NO, bitch. You. Gotta. Work.” She waved her Big Ass Wand™ as she spoke to emphasize the final three words.
“But, Fairy OG!” Erin protested as she sat once more, “I have been looking high and low and I am still unable . . .”
Fairy OG cut her off as she gave her le epic side eye, “Please. Don’t lie. I’ve seen you. Searching online for jobs for 10 minutes and then spending two hours going down a google rabbit hole that ends in trying to find out where they sell Surge cola is NOT work. Although it is weird they still sell that stuff some places.”
“Right?!? It can’t be that good and I know nostalgia culture is a thing now but . . . ”
“Focus, Slothful one!”
“Sorry.” Erin looked bashfully at her feet.
“S’alright. Now, you’ve got to start learning how to do some actual hustle and grinding here. Start making new contacts and reaching out to old ones. Leverage your assets better. Social media savvy is a MUST. And a development plan would be good to have too. Do you have a business card? What kind of card stock is it?”
Erin stood up from her not-so-enchanted log, alarmed at what she was hearing. “Wait a sec, this is starting to sound an awful lot like Corporate . . . I mean Castle speak.”
Fairy OG threw her Big Ass Wand™ at Erin in frustration and hit her in the forehead. “DUH. How do you think things get done?”
“I dunno,” Erin exasperatedly rubbed at the bump beginning to form atop her head. “I just figured that once I got out of the Castle that . . . you know, things would be different.”
“Honey,” the Fairy OG put her hands on her pink taffeta covered hips as she sauntered over to pick up her Big Ass Wand™. “You are never truly out of the Castle system. Ever. You just happen to be in a different sector.” She picked at the wand for a bit before she finally spoke, “so . . . what ARE you going to do?”
TO BE CONTINUED